Its time to move on

Yes. Thats what everyone seem to say, everyone seem to expect. Its quite long now, you should come to terms I am told. 

But I wonder. Be it 21 yrs or be it 21 months, how would such a pain and loss ever go away. How can I ever move on. 

My life has never been normal after that day. Subdued emotions, diminishing expectations , settling in for what I have with no visibility of a bright road ahead guided many of my prime years...from growing up I suddenly became a grown up. Everyday it was a day to prioritize. Every act was a test of endurance. Everyday I reassessed who I am, everyday I rejig'd my aspirations.  

Now when someone exclaims, you werent this way before, I wish I could explain....when I am told, whats wrong all is well with you, I wish I could clarify......when all they see is my smile, I wish someone understood whats within.me....

I am today, of what I have been yesterday, and I am proud of how far ive come, while being wary of how much of me I left behind. 

I am better placed. And yes, over time, I have learnt to better handle my emotions, I have learnt to contain my sorrow, I have learnt to be strong - but pain, it still persists , and the void it still exists.